Childless Not By Choice
Posted on May 26, 2010
Recently I received an email from a gal who wrote a very candid post about the things people say to those who are childless not by choice. It was a sad reminder that people do not understand the emotional impact of infertility. I found her discussion about how people encourage those dealing with infertility to “keep trying” even after they have exhausted all of their money or options or both. Yet, this is not the case for someone dealing with a terminal illness. While infertility is not a disease that kills you, it does change the person you are and your quality of life, especially those who do not have success in treatments or adoption.
Her blog post is titled: The 16 things you shouldn’t say to a CNBC (childless not by choice). If you want to learn more about what not to say to your friend or relative experiencing infertility this is a must read. If you are dealing with infertility you might find some solace in knowing you are not alone.
While it is not always easy, we should tell people that comments like these really hurt. If we don’t do this they will never learn. It is okay to tell them that if they continue to make hurtful comments you will stop talking to them or change the way to interact with them. What are you willing to “deal with” and what are the things that are not acceptable? Establish your boundaries and stick to them.
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Thank you so much, Kelly. It is so incredibly generous of you to write a post about this topic and link to my blog. I do think that people just don’t know what to say when they hear someone is going through infertility, miscarriages or adoptions and they often end up saying things that are less than sensitive. As you so wisely say “we should tell people that comments like these really hurt. If we don’t do this they will never learn. It is okay to tell them that if they continue to make hurtful comments you will stop talking to them or change the way to interact with them.” Amen!