Hit in the Parking Lot
Posted on September 22, 2008
Yesterday my husband and I stopped at Costco for a quick errand. He stayed in the car with our twins while I ran inside to buy them a gift for their b-day (at Costco stuff doesn’t last so when my husband came home from shopping there on Saturday we decided we needed to rush back to make sure we got a hold of the one toy they cannot stop talking about). Anyway, when I came out of the store my husband was standing next to the car. Odd, I thought, as I walked up.
Next thing I know he is yelling at the man he is talking to and says to me, “This guy hit our car.” The old man retorts back, “You were waving me in.” To which my husband shouts, “No, I wasn’t, I was waving at you to stop.” I survey the damage to our car while these two hot heads are yelling at each other. I tell you what, my experience with infertility and prematurity has sure calmed me and helped me to handle situations better. I kindly turn to the man and say, “It doesn’t matter if he was waving you in or not, you should have noticed that you hit our car as you were parking. You obviously misjudged when you started to park your car into this spot.” The old man shouts back at my husband, “You were waving me in.” Again, I state, “Sir, you misjudged how much room you had and you hit our car.”
I leave these two and grab our insurance card to determine what information we need from this guy so that we can have our car repaired. Somewhere along the way, the old man calms down and apologizes to my husband for hitting our car. He leaves as do we. While driving back home, my husband is outraged and continues to repeat what the old man had said and shook his head while saying, “You were waving me in…What an idiot.”
When my husband and the old man were yelling at each other neither of them was listening to what the other had to say. The old man was blaming my husband for “waving him in” because he wanted to blame someone else for his actions. He seemed to calm down when I came to the scene because I was calm about the incident. Before we all departed, he recognized his error. At no point was I angry about the old man hitting my car, instead I was a little irritated that I was going to have to be car-less for a few days while it gets repaired, but instead of dwelling on that I made a call to our insurance company to start the conversation about repairs. What’s done is done and all we can do now is move forward.
I applied this same concept to an email I received from my sister-in-law last week. There is so much history and good reason for me to still be angry, but I’ve moved on because does me no good to dwell on the past. Instead, I look forward to the future and react accordingly. From personal experience I can tell you that this works. It’s how I rebuilt my failing marriage to create a strong relationship with my husband today.
A few things I noticed about this event: 1) If you are hot tempered, the other person will be too, 2) few people take responsibility for their actions so it’s not always effective to point out to them it was their fault, 3) things like this have much less of an impact on me today than they used to, and 4) it’s better to move from anger to action than to dwell on things you cannot change.
What can you do to move forward?
» Filed Under Personal Growth, communication
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10 Responses to “Hit in the Parking Lot”
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Good for you! I think you are right that going through infertility and then the hell that is NICU helps one to keep everything in perspective. One of the positive things that came out of a negative situation, I guess!
ICLW
A thought provoking post. I’ve got a SIL too, one that I need to move forward with one that I’ve been trying to move forward with for a long time. I’m at my wits end at where to go next but I’ve just realised there is probably no where to go next and I just need to accept that we are very different people and always will be.
I hope your car gets fixed in record time!
Here from ICLW.
I’m glad you were able to handle a difficult situation so calmly. That is not always an easy thing to do. It sounds like you have learned a lot from unfortunate events and turned them around to make them better.
Its amazing the positive things that can come out of dealing with infertility. Good job handling the situation.
ICLW
Ha! I got stuck between a heated argument like that with my Hubby and our old neighbor. They were both yelling so loud they couldn’t hear each other at all. If I hadn’t been mad at the neighbor myself, it would have been funny.
and I think that not only the struggles we face but also having children helps moms keep a cooler head.
Happy ICLW!
You’re right! Emotion begets emotion and calm begets calm.
ICLW
I’m here from ICLW and I think I have my own solution to how I, myself, move forward. It involves the concept of forgiving without forgetting. Which sounds much more sinister than it is.
Becky – I’ve done a lot of forgiving without forgetting. If you do it right, it can really help you move forward!
Mrs Woggie – Good luck with your SIL. In-laws do present challenges. Mine almost destroyed my marriage. If you ever need an ear I’d be happy to listen (or read).
Very thought provoking post. Thanks!
Also, thanks for the comment on my blog.
Here from ICLW.
Thanks for your ICLW comment…
I’m amazed at how calm-headed you could be with your husband and a stranger so upset. Your insistence that the waving didn’t matter because he had misjudged the spot in the first place was just perfect. All too often, people get caught up on irrelevant points and ignore what actually matters. Good for you!