Ah-ha Moment
Posted on September 16, 2008
Yesterday I posted about my gloomy week last week. We’ll last night I started to realize why I was down and today I had an “ah-ha” moment. I’m sharing this because sometimes we block out the reason we might be mad or sad because we don’t want to admit what is actually causing that emotion – or the pity party as my Coach so eloquently put it (and I pay him to treat me this way, smiles).
So a little background. My relationship with the in-laws is a bit challenging. It started out lovely then went bad. I thought we resovlved our issues, but when Dave and I were going through our infertility and then the premature birth of our twins it got outright ugly (and I’ve only put about 10% of the “ugly” details of our relationship in my book!). After many years of soul searching, counseling, etc. I’ve finally found a good space with regard to the in-laws. We are friendly, but not too friendly. I have boundaries in which I play well with others and walls where I dare not go or let them pass. It’s not a perfect system, but it works for me and it works for my marriage.
My twins are about to turn 4 years old. I’m having issues with this birthday. The are no longer toddlers and I’ll never have another baby again. I’m feeling sad as they are growing up way too soon and I wish we could have had another child (although HB would disagree, he’s the reason we don’t have any more). So my feelings of anxiety with my kids growing up too soon with anticipation of the in-laws coming to town pushed me over the edge, so to speak. Last week I was in denial that I was anxious about the in-laws visit, but today I realize that was the cause of my pity party.
Yesterday I received an email from my sister-in-law. When I saw her name pop up in my email box the butterflies started to rumble in my belly and my first thought was, “I really don’t want to read what she wrote. I don’t want to deal with this.” To my surprise, it was an email about how she wanted to build a better relationship with me and she was so sorry for treating me poorly in the past. It did feel nice to hear her say she was sorry and immediately I stated to feel less burdened. As good as it felt to hear her apologize, it wasn’t her words that made me fell better. It was the acceptance that I was dreading the arrival of the in-laws, including my sister-in-law, for my twins birthday party.
Today I realized that this is what had been bothering me all week last week. Since I had yet to identify it, I didn’t know what was wrong and wallowed in my own little pity party. After all of the work I’ve done to build a decent relationship with the in-laws I didn’t want to admit that it wasn’t always going to be easy to be around them or deal with how they treat me. So today, instead of dreading their inevitable arrival, I’ll manifest good thoughts and what fun it will be to have the entire family around to wish my twins a wonderful 4th birthday. This should help with my gloomy mood (which is better today than it has been in a week.).
» Filed Under Personal Growth, Relationships
Comments
5 Responses to “Ah-ha Moment”
Leave a Reply
Kelly,
It’s always a sad fleeting moment when our children get to that point where they want to experience the world on their own. My 3 (turning 4) year old hit that point the moment she started kindergarten and now she’s already prepared to trade mum and dad in for an afternoon with little friends.
Oh the humanity.. hehe, what doesnt kill us makes us stronger… right?
Great post… made me relate.
Thanks,
Dr Andrew Power
So glad you had an ah-ha moment! Good luck with the party planning
Loved your post. . .very brave of you to acknowledge all of that!! And it probably felt really good! And I’m thrilled to hear about the email you got from you SIL – whatever may happen with it, that was at least a nice email. . .and enjoy every moment of your daugthers’ bdays. I totally hear what you are saying about being sad about not having another one – and you are soooo entitled to feel that – but save that for another moment so you can wholly enjoy their day!
I’m glad you figured out what’s bothering you.
Hey, just luv your weblog…and like you I have learned to force myself to reflect on the good moments…the joy my family brings, feeling healthy and just enjoying who I am…when I start to feel a bit down. And it took me a lot longer to get there, then it took you, but finally…I am there. And 4 year old’s are still babies, but the tykes are at an age where they can help you to take care of them…which will allow you to enjoy those moments even more, because you don’t have to do everything. And that’s what makes your days…actually you life richer…when you allow yourself to enjoy each moment to the fullest. Keep Smiling…8o)