Accepting Happiness
Posted on December 1, 2009
Right now a lot of people are struggling in some aspect of their life, whether they are trying to have a baby, coming to terms with living childfree, recovering from the premature birth of a child or children, job losses, loss of home, etc. It has been an interesting time for me. About one year ago I could not say “I deserve to be happy,” without sobbing uncontrollably. It was truly ridiculous. I remember my husband staring at me like I was some weirdo he picked up off the street. He didn’t understand why I was having difficultly allowing myself to be truly happy.
After many hours of counseling I can now accept my happiness. It seems silly, though. However, looking at my childhood and family history it might make more sense. I tend to the be the black sheep of the group. My uncle and I are the only two members of my family who have a college degree. My mom was never happy in marriage. I’ve worked hard on mine so that it is. In the past I followed the family trend of being more pessimistic than optimistic. I used to feel awkward around members of my family because I was so different. But today I am more accepting of who we all are; it has made a huge difference in my interactions with everyone.
I do feel sad that it is a bad time for a lot of people. Many of my friends have been impacted by job losses or other family matters due to the economy. I too have had my share of trials over the years. At a time when I could be absorbing the negativity around me (which is what I used to do), I find myself recognizing and empathizing with others, yet staying in my place and accepting that I have the right to be happy.
Sometimes learning how to set boundaries with your family members (which can be hard to do, I know), your friends or co-workers can help protect you from absorbing their issues or their negativity. Give it a try. It just might work.
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3 Responses to “Accepting Happiness”
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Kelly,
I am so happy that you are happier now! It is very true that when we are surrounded by negative energy, it is easy to “pick it up”… and takes effort and intention to look at things more optimistically.
Chronic conditions have been a great teacher to me. Certainly, no one wants to be sick or in pain. However, chronic illnesses/pain can help people learn how to prioritize, how to protect the health they do have remaining, help patients make important decisions about how to allocate their time, and (yes) teach people how to set boundaries.
Thanks for capturing the importance of getting past whatever bottlenecks are impeding us from being truly happy… Once we sort out what is holding us back, we can accomplish great things.
Also, you touched on the impact of when those we care about around us are experiencing hardships… Lately, I have had a large number of friends experiencing incredibly stressful situations. (Some of these are situations with which I have personal experience to draw on that increases my ability to empathize with them). Needless to say, I am concerned for my friends and if they are going through crises, it affects me too… because I really care about them.
This may be one of the areas I struggle with the most.
I know intellectually that I need to be there for my friends without their pain and grief engulfing me too.
Yet, emotionally… I sometimes struggle not to become “engulfed”.
I think I’m getting better at this (and the boundary-setting my therapist has taught me helps me understand how crucial it is to my health to practice self-care).
For me, it takes time… but I think I’m getting more adept at supporting people without becoming totally engulfed in others’ pain.
Contrary to what the media/marketers would have us think, happiness isn’t about money, fancy homes, cars, or trips. Sure, those things can all be nice. However, true happiness comes from inside. There are plenty of financially wealthy people who are not happy emotionally.
In my part of the country, I always think about the homeless during this cold weather. I am very grateful for the roof over my head. Yet, I am sad for those who are not so fortunate.
Thank you for this post… a great reminder that we all need to allow ourselves to be happy.
Jeanne
thoughtful post. Life is what you make it and all in your attitude.
Happiness is really a state of mind. And I am very happy to read that you are happy now. Instead of looking at our problems and the problems of the people around us, let us focus on the things that we should be grateful for. Have a blessed Christmas!