Why Are You Ashamed?
Posted on April 2, 2008
I just read an infertility blog for the first time and noticed that the same woman also has a pregnancy blog – but asks you not to mention her infertility blog on her pregnancy blog – huh? I don’t understand. Why are people so ashamed of their infertility?
When my husband found out he was infertile, he was bummed, but not ashamed. It’s not his fault he has poor swimmers. Most of his friends were kind and didn’t make smart-ass comments, instead they offered support. “Sorry, dude.” But one of his friends would laugh at him, in front of me – which I thought was in poor taste, for “not being a real man.” Since when does the quality or quantity of sperm a man produces make him a man? I thought it was the XY chromosome paring, but I could be wrong.
Some women have real issues that prevent them or make it difficult for them to become pregnant. Things like blocked tubes, endremetriosis, or other real medical conditions. Does that make you less of a woman? NO! Are you contagious? NO! So, I don’t get it. Why is everyone so embarrassed to admit they struggle to build a family? If you had any other type of disease would you feel the same way as you do about your infertility?
I’m not ashamed to have undergone IVF. I have two beautiful daughters because of this awesome medical technology. They were born premature and that sucked! But I’d do it again. And when people ask, I tell them they are IVF twins. Most people don’t care. All they see are two cute kids – not science experiments.
I recognize there are women out there who bash the infertility community. These women don’t understand or don’t have the desire to feel the love a child can offer. They are ignorant and it’s their loss. The majority of society doesn’t understand infertility. It’s not their fault, they just haven’t been exposed to the topic. But instead of hiding, the best thing we can do is educate those who are willing to listen. Educate those who don’t understand what infertility is or what causes it or how emotionally challenging it is. Only though education and awareness can change take place. But you have to put yourself out in the pubic eye for everyone to see and hear.
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I FEEL SO LUCKY TO HAVE FOUND THIS BLOG!!! Your recent post (You Ashamed? | Twin Peas Blog and Podcast) really impressed me. Had found this blog a long time ago, I would have really appreciated it. I was searching MSN for information on Twin Pregnancy when I stumbled across you Saturday. Keep it going!