Two Women, Two Struggles
Posted on August 5, 2008
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In one weekend I had conversations with two women about infertility. One woman is just starting her journey, the other reliving the emotion of what will never be.
Sally, is fairly young and is just starting her journey with infertility by learning the terminology and asking questions. When Sally mentioned to me that she wanted to have a child I have to admit I was shocked. In all of our conversations about my own infertility, Sally has never said a word about wanting to be a mom. I’ve never asked her the question, “Do you want to have kids?” I just assumed that she didn’t want to. After all, not every woman wants to be a mom.
We have known each other for about six months so I understand she may have needed some time to gather the courage to discuss her medical issues. She is in the initial phases of doctors appointments and tests. When we were talking I could see her apprehension about fertility treatments, but more importantly, how long everything was going to take. She is friends with an Ob/Gyn so she has some advantages in dealing with RE’s that many of us don’t have. Her friend is helping her decide which doctor to consult with and even has offered to join her during her appointments.
This is the first time that one of my close friends has been impacted by primary infertility. Another of my good friends is dealing with secondary infertility after a miscarriage. Most of my friends that have experienced infertility are friends that I’ve made through RESOLVE. It’s one of those areas where I’m not sure how much help to offer. I don’t want to be intrusive, yet I want to help her as much as she’ll allow me too. Any tips?
The other woman, Suzie, is in her mid 50’s and her infertility issues are returning to the surface of her heart. I don’t know how many times I started to cry during our 30 minute conversation as I lost track. Suzie is one of those women who you know would have been a fabulous mom, like Pamela at Coming2Terms.
I don’t know if it is just because I’m overly senstitive to the topic of infertility, but Suzie was talking with another woman who just kept going on and on about her son starting college. I stood there and listened while I tried willing this woman to stop talking about her son. But she continued for another 5 minutes or more. Suzie is used to people talking about their children in front of her and seems to handle it well. However, when she and I were in a private conversation she started to sob as she said, “I’ll never be the mother of the bride,” and “I’ll never see my son graduate high school.” Okay, I’m crying as I type this.
Suzie wants to change the world and she wants to use her motherly skills to do it. She has traveled to Africa and will one day create a foundation that will provide funds to help the orphans in Africa get a good education. She has put her mothering skills to good use, although I wish she would have been given the opportunity to mother her own child.
Infertility stays with you forever. It’s the reason I blog even though I have children. It’s for Sally and all the women like her who are starting their infertility journey and for Suzie and all of the women like her who were denied their dream of mothering their own children. If you reach the other side of infertility, please remember the women that are still in the fight. They need you.
Creative Commons image courtesy of Graham Crumb.
» Filed Under Infertility
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