The Pregnancy Debate
Posted on June 9, 2008
Since participating in NCLM I’ve noticed some mixed emotions for those who are and are not pregnant or have or don’t have children. This is no doubt a sensitive subject.
On one blog the writer mentioned right away that she was finally pregnant and that her blog was going to discuss her pregnancy. She acknowledged that some still struggling with IF might not want to read her blog. She went on to state that she understood and hoped that they were happy for her. She also mentioned that she’d continue to support her friends still in the midst of IF. I think his gal rocks! She is being totally sensitive to her IF friends and won’t abandon them now that she is no the other side. I wish I could remember the name of her blog, but with 200+ on the list, I cannot.
At My Little Drummer Boys Trish apologies right away to those still struggling as she has pictures of her twin boys posted on her blog. She too is sensitive to those still struggling with IF. Trish had her share of IF with 14 years of struggle as well as the devastation of a stillborn daughter who she still rightfully morns and misses.
Every now and then I’ll read postings by those not pregnant complaining about those who ‘are’ complaining about their pregnancies. I can see both sides. Those who aren’t want to be so bad that they’d be happy to experience swelling, morning sickness, or bedrest. While those who are want to feel “normal” and to have “normal” pregnancy complaints. It’s a tough spot and a touchy subject. There is nothing fair about infertility. And all we want once we become pregnant is to be happy and normal.
What I hope is that those who have made it to the other side of IF don’t forget those still struggling. Unfortunately, there will always be some who won’t make it to the other side, but they shouldn’t be left behind. They should still be supported and acknowledged. If the message dies once you become pregnant how are we ever going to make any progress within a society that doesn’t understand infertility?
If you’re struggling with IF you’re on one of two sides–either you want to hear about success stories or you don’t. Regardless of whether you want to hear successes or failures, you come out and support others in their times of need. I’ve read the heartfelt comments from the community for those going through a cycle, those on bedrest, those who have had a premature baby, or lost a child. And that is what really matters.
Creative Commons image courtesy of Blimpa.
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9 Responses to “The Pregnancy Debate”
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IF success stories give me hope, but I do get annoyed when infertiles get pregnant and instantly develop IF amnesia.
I agree 110%!
We will be starting the IVF process soon & so far I love reading stories about successes…gives me hope. But, I can also understand how that could be hurtful, especially after failed attempts.
You are absolutely right, we should all support eachother though no matter how hard it may be!
DC- agree with the IF amnesia comment. One of my friends dumped me when she became pregnant – I was hurt and vowed not do to it to others still in the journey.
Love this post!! Gosh – so right on the money. Its amazing how pregnancy and children can really divide women. I am amazed at how often the working versus non-working mom argument comes up – soooo much emotion on either side of the coin!
thanks for the mention and I will not forget my IF friends and friends who have lost precious little ones.
Speaking from my point of view – it is hard to break the good news of pregnancy to those you know are not and still struggling with infertility both online and in real life.I know of people who said how offended they were that their pregnant friend didn’t tell the news but let someone else pass it on.
The pregnant person just didn’t know what to say knowing it would upset the other person anyway they told them.
I saw it on IVF forums when they would ask everyone not to post congratulations and use too many happy smileys etc. Some people would get offended by the hype and others were truly excited to see someone make it to other side.
The NCLM has been very eye opening again for me. An insight into the pain of infertility.
Infertility blogs transforming into Mummy blogs is, happily, often an inherent feature of the genre. Unhappily, this generally means that a group of IF bloggy friends will have some of their number succeeding in their common goal, whilst others are still on the miserable not-so-merry-go-round.
When friends and family become pregnant it’s difficult to blot out, but you can always stop reading or commenting on a blog that no longer helps you feel positive about each other. Having said that, I can’t understand how anyone who has really been through the IF mill can forget, or turn her back on it. I love blogging about my baby, but I am still very alive to the reproductive disasters that preceded him.
Trish, thanks for your comments. I think we all have to navigate how we tell others when we become pregnant. I had friends who didn’t want me to find out they were pregnant because they thought it would hurt my feelings and it made me sad and angry to be treated this way. Usually I was very happy for most people, but there were those one or two cases where I was so sad for me and couldn’t be happy for them. It’s a tough topic and one I think we’ll continue to struggle with.
Hairy Farmer – it is nice to see IF blogs turn to mommy blogs and you are right it is the end goal. I feel the same as you do, I love talking about my twins but the havoc it played in my life (mainly my marriage) is something I’ll never forget.
Nice website!!
I’ll just bet that blogger that you were talking about was Denise at http://freezerbuns.blogspot.com/
She is fantastic, and very sensitive to others. The nurse told her to bring the babies in after she delivers, and she explained that she wouldn’t be doing that so as to save the women who are in the clinic from the reminder.
Once I was sitting in the RE’s and a former patient brought in her baby. I was a little offended at first, but then realized that what it means is, that sometimes all of this IF treatment stuff actually works!
Denise also happens to really be struggling with her first trimester. My heart goes out to her.