Speak…
Posted on June 5, 2009
The calendar on my wall says “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place,” by George Bernard Shaw. I chuckled to myself when I flipped from May to June to see this quote and the silly picture that signified it’s reality. This is such a true statement. Whether it be at work, a conversation with a spouse, a friend, or our parent, sometimes what we say is not what the other person hears.
When my husband and I were in the midst of our infertility journey we were not communicating. We might have been speaking to each other, but we failed to communicate properly. We’ve worked on this and are doing much better on something that should really be very simple. But it’s not, especially when you’re dealing with medical issues.
What words are you using to communicate with your spouse about your feelings? What are you telling your doctor? Is she/he listening to your wishes and your concerns? Are you being heard?
Recently my husband’s blood work reveled that his liver enzymes were elevated. He called his doctor to ask him what the results meant. The doctor never called back. He called the doctor again. A few days later the doctor called back and agreed to pursue additional testing to diagnose the problem. Again, my husband received his results (via message service). He called the doctor since his levels were still elevated. Again, the doctor didn’t call him back. My husband’s questions were not being answered. He switched doctors.
My husband now feels like this new doctor is listening. He has a level of respect for this new doctor that he didn’t have with the other one. This respect allows my husband to accept the advice his doctor provides. The idea of respect does allow communicate to happen more effectively. I know that when I think someone is listening to what I’m saying I tend to be more attentive to them.
We must speak up for our needs and wants. I’ve become much better at this after my infertility experience. I’m more likely to speak up for what I want and what I believe in. In the short term, this can be challenging or create conflict in your relationships, but the long-term rewards are awesome!
What are you speaking about?
» Filed Under Infertility, Personal Growth, Relationships
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Hi Kelly,
Long time, no meet in cyberspace!
I hope you’re doing well.
And I love this story of your husband switching doctors — because taking charge of our health and lives in general is so important! I think it’s especially difficult to stand up for yourself to your doctor, because they seem to hold the power and knowledge. If you grew up in a family of doctors, it might be easier to see them as normal human beings, but I think many people see doctors as “better than” or somehow above them. I know my parents and in-laws would never question their doctors…..it may be hard to stand up for your health and take action, but so necessary.
Anyway — thanks for this post!
Laurie