Marriage and Infertility
Posted on February 14, 2008
In a discussion with other women about their marriage during their infertility journey, 4 out of 5 of us said that infertility cause a strain on the marriage. Two of us said that we would have left our spouses if they had not agreed to either adoption or infertility treatments. I was one of those women. It was nice to know that I wasn’t alone in my drive to become a mom. The other woman and I agreed that we loved our husbands and even considered our spouses to be our soul mates, but our desire to have a child in our lives was greater than any love for a man. Many people would consider me shallow. But I suspect most of those are people who have not experienced the stress and sense of loss that comes every month when you’re trying to get pregnant. Two of the women mentioned their marriages were significantly stress because of their infertility. Only one of the five said infertility did not impact her marriage. Are these statistics normal – 80% of couples struggle with their relationship when faced with infertility?
Today, my husband and I are still married and we would both agree we’re happy together. We had the benefit of overcoming our infertility struggles, but it wasn’t easy. In the midst of our journey we failed to communicate with each other. We were both so stuck on our emotions that we forgot to consider the others. Somewhere along the way we stopped talking openly with each other. Maybe this was my fault as I sought counseling so that I would have an outlet to voice my frustrations about our situation. Maybe he didn’t know how to talk with me because I was so devistated we couldn’t become pregnant naturally and was afraid of what I might say to him.
It’s much different now. And on this Valentine’s Day, I’m thankful I am married to the man who is the father of my children. I’m grateful he stuck with me when I was at my worst (although he wasn’t perfect) and patiently waited for the happy woman he married to return once again.
Infertility is rough on a relationship. It requires teamwork and communication. May your Valentine’s Day be full of appreciation for each other.
» Filed Under Infertility
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