It’s Not Fair
Posted on May 14, 2008
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About two weeks ago I saw a request that I found disturbing on a mom-related resource website that I subscribe to. The woman, obviously young, placed a request to see if anyone knew what the consequences to her baby would be since she had been using Meth during the first trimester of her pregnancy. At first glance, I couldn’t believe what I was reading. At second glance, I noticed she had a 2 year old and I started yelling at my computer!
I don’t get it. What drives a person, a mother, to use Meth when she has a 2 year old and a baby on the way?
I remember when Dave and I were first TTC and I was surrounded by people who couldn’t afford to buy food for their pets, yet they had a ton of children in tow. I was volunteering with the local animal shelter and they had a program where they offered free food to those on public assistance. The goal was to get their pets up-to-date with shots and convince some of these folks to spay/neuter their pets. If you’ve ever been to an animal shelter to adopt an animal or retrieve your own, you know it is a very sad place with too many animals of which some will find a good home and others won’t.
Anyway, every month I would put my happy face even though I was glaring at these people underneath my sunglasses. I wanted to know why they had been blessed with children while my husband and I were struggling with infertility. I would get in my car and recount how many families had children and get pissed that they had kids and I didn’t. So, after reading the Meth request I remembered how frustrating it was when you are struggling with infertility and you know you would make an awesome mom yet there are others who appear to take their children or ability to get pregnant for granted.
The other reason the posting irritated me is because many people equate premature birth with drug abuse. Yes, it is true that many babies are born prematurely because women do hard drugs, such as Meth, during their pregnancy. But I’ve met many wonderful women who didn’t do drugs who experienced the premature birth of their babies. At a March of Dimes fund raiser in Oct. 2007 a representative from a large insurance company stood up and addressed the audience and explained that premature births are mostly from “drug abuse.” Although I haven’t seen the statistics on the percentage of preemies born because of drug abuse, I do know that there are hundreds of thousands of women who march each year to raise money for the MOD and somehow I doubt they are drug addicts.
A friend of mine is dealing with secondary infertility. She had endometriosis, but managed to become pregnant without the use of fertility treatments. However, she had a complicated first pregnancy that left her unable to conceive a second child. She mentioned how she’ll go out in public and everyone around her will have 2 kids in tow and she’ll go home to her husband and say “it’s not fair.”
It’s not fair that some of us are dealt the hand of infertility. It’s not fair that fertility treatments are not covered in 35 states like most all other diseases. It’s not fair that some couples won’t achieve a pregnancy, even if it’s the second time around, or that some will loose a child to prematurity or other complications. It’s not fair that money may prevent a deserving couple from adopting a baby. Hopefully through organizations such as RESOLVE, Fertility LifeLines, the American Fertility Association progress can be made with regard to making fertility treatments affordable so that those who are SO deserving of become parents can be.
Creative Commons image courtesy of boeke.
» Filed Under Infertility, Premature Births
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I saw that post on that same site too -I couldn’t believe it was for real!!