Is It Natural Selection?
Posted on June 13, 2008
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Some of the comments posted by the non-infertile community in the NY Times article are intentionally hurtful or down-right hateful to the infertiles. I must admit I had no idea there were such intense feelings on the “other” side. I think many of the comments were posted for shock value and to stir up a good debate — just someone looking for a little attention. Although, I must say I feel so sorry for the twins born to the mother that doesn’t want them, but I’m not going there…
One of the “thoughts” about infertility that gets me is the ignorance of it being about Natural Selection and/or population control. We could use many analogies to address this matter. So, is Heart Disease about natural selection? Today millions of people take heart medications to keep them alive. What about cancer? Again, the technologies exist to keep people alive and many people can live cancer free because of the medicines and technology available. Why does IF raise the mentalities of natural selection, “just adopt”, or deal with it? Are these same people using the same logic toward people suffering with heart disease, cancer or any other disease? Should they just all die, because hey, it’s natural selection they have the disease and boy, wouldn’t we be better without all those extra people in this over crowded world???
Today, we live in world with amazing medically advances to create life, to end life, and to save life. So how is infertility or fertility treatments any different? Why do people discount the pain of not being able to have a child? It’s not about sympathy, but rather about understanding and compassion. There is a huge difference between sympathy (feeling sorry for someone) and compassion (acknowledging their pain even if you don’t understand it or cannot relate). If you never get the chance to love, that is a loss!
A few months ago one of my students (I teach accounting to graduate students) made a comment to me about “natural selection” with regard to premature babies. She said something like, “What is the point of researching the cause of premature birth, isn’t it natural selection.” Mind you she said this knowing my girls were in the NICU for 7 weeks. The rest of the class look at me with wide-eyed anticipation of how I was going to answer her obviously and totally insensitive question. My response was something like this, “Today many babies are being born too soon and because of the medical technologies that exist they are kept alive. Many of these babies will have life long physical or mental disabilities because we have the means to keep them alive if they are born prematurely. So, wouldn’t it be better to research the causes of premature birth so that we can keep these babies in utero longer? Because those women are already pregnant anyway.” Needless to say, she didn’t have much to respond with.
I know there is a lot of emotion in the IF world. I’ve been there, done that. I can still relate and I still understand what it is like to be on the other side of the IF struggle. There are comments from the IF community lashing back out at those who are ignorant. Many of them are funny and often I say “you go girl” as I read along. But sometimes the gentler approach of education and information can have a much greater impact. And it disappoints them you didn’t over-react and play along with their little game of shock value and controversy.
Just my thoughts. What would be your response to some of the comments left in the NY Times article?
Creative Commons image courtesy of psmithson.
» Filed Under Infertility, Personal Growth, Premature Births
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2 Responses to “Is It Natural Selection?”
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I think your approach is more effective. Unfortunately, I generally don’t have the strength to do much more than click away because I get too enraged and fear that there’s nothing I can say that won’t be weak, redundant and ineffectual.
(NCLM)
I like your focus on compassion. I think that’s one of the biggest problems in our world today - if people would have true compassion for others, if they would attempt to understand what other people are going though (be it IF, poverty, religious issues, nationalistic issues, whatever!)… well, I don’t know know what it would achieve, but I DO know it would make for better people in this world, people willing to stand up for others even if they are not in the same situation.
(Hi! from NaComLeavMo)