How would I be?
Posted on April 14, 2008
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This past weekend my husband and I had dinner with two amazing people from out-of-town. I met these folks online and they were in town for business reasons. So we got together to talk about this and that. Sometimes my poor husband was left out of the conversation as we talked about blogs and internet marketing, etc., but he was a trooper anyway and had a good time.
This couple has experienced infertility — the double whammy of both female and male factor. They attempted IVF and the cycle didn’t take. I reflected on our conversation about their journey and I am in awe about how they are doing as a couple and how they are choosing to deal with their bad luck individually and as a team. I have to admit that I admire them because I can honestly say that I’m not sure I would have been able to make so much progress if our IVF experience had turned out differently.
I sensed that the disappointment of the failed IVF was harder for her than it was for him. I would suspect that this is probably the case most, but probably not all, of the time. They talked openly about how they were sad and how they wish they had started trying to have children at a younger age. When they told their story they looked at each other with such love and support. They are still processing the disappointment, but they are not allowing it to absorb their every emotion or every thought. Truly, these two are amazing (I think I said that already…).
When Dave and I encountered our infertility diagnosis, I let it absorb my entire being. I lived and breathed infertility. I searched online for hours about what it was, how to treat it, etc. Being able to step back and make a decision not to allow it to consume me would have been like taking away my chocolate - it wasn’t going to happen. Would I have been able to experience a failed IVF and then be told by the RE that it was unlikely I’d every have a child and do so without sobbing uncontrollably constantly and feeling totally sorry for myself? Somehow, I don’t think so. Would I have been able to look lovingly into my husbands eye and seek support, comfort and love? I’m not sure I would have been capable of doing so. Am I shallow for knowing I wouldn’t have been capable of being happy without a child in my life? Probably.
So, for those of you who can deal with the unfair and totally emotional journey of infertility I admire and respect you. You are a bigger person than I could ever be.
» Filed Under Infertility
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2 Responses to “How would I be?”
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Why are you so hard on yourself?
I think of it more as being a realist. For all of us we have something that drives us, whether it be our career, desire to have a child, lifestyle, etc. I didn’t handle my experience with infertility well and my marriage was tested because of it. My husband and I were able to move past the trauma of infertility combined with the premature birth of our twins. The ability to accept or move past infertility and create a joyful life is something to be admired.