A Tale of Secondary Infertility
Posted on March 17, 2008
A long-time friend of mine was in town for a friend’s wedding. While she was here we talked about some “ghosts in our closet” so-to-speak with regard to our families. After she left I recalled that we had a similar intimate conversation with regard to children (long before my husband and I even started trying). She had experienced a miscarriage and it took her and her husband some time to conceive their first child. Her son was about 3 years old when she mentioned to me she longed for another child. Only once over the years did I ask her about her attempt for a second child.
Her son is now 11 years old and she doesn’t have any other children. It occurred to me – like a slap on the face last week – that she experienced what is commonly called Secondary Infertility. A recent article about smoking and it’s effects on the male reminded me of my friend and her struggle to add to her family. She had mentioned, all those years back, that her husband smoked and she had begged him to stop because she believed that it was causing problems with his sperm. She was right. In fact, studies are proving this to be true. Also, smoking during pregnancy is a cause of premature birth (although it pains me to think women actually smoke during pregnancy–really it’s only 9 months–if you’re lucky enough to go full term).
Sometimes I forget about secondary infertility. At one point I had to research what it was…basically the inability to conceive a second child after you’ve had at least one pregnancy.
My friend seems to have adapted to her life with one child. I’m not sure she really considers herself as someone who has experienced infertility, but she has. Now that her son is older she doesn’t long for another child even though she did at one point in time. As I recall she and her husband tried for more than 3 years for a sibling for their first born.
My point of this blog is that primary and secondary infertility are both private matters most people don’t discuss. We’ve been friends for more than 25 years and we’ve only had a few conversations about her experience, yet she knows all about my struggles and ultimate triumph. Is this because I choose to be more open about my experiences or because more people are starting to talk about their struggles with infertility?
Are you talking or blogging? If not, please start. We need everyone’s voice to be heard.
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it sucks … im going through it to and it just sucks. no one understands