White Lies – Are They Protecting You?
Posted on March 11, 2009
Every time I complete a new patient form I wonder why they ask some of the questions they do. While I realize that it is important for the doctors to know if you smoke or drink excessive amounts of alcohol, I wonder how many people are truly honest about that data. When a woman is pregnant or trying to get pregnant, does she admit to smoking or drinking? I’m guessing many times she will leave those “little” details out of her background.
If you have ever completed an application for an RE’s office, it’s more like an interrogation than an application. There are so many questions, so much invasion into your private life. Then there is counseling, oh my. During one of my first therapy sessions, which started during our infertility, my counselor asked me if there was any abuse or neglect during my childhood. My quick reply was, “No. Not that I can think of.” Of course, I was lying or at least not telling her the whole truth. In a sense, I was protecting myself. By not admitting I had demons from my childhood I didn’t have to deal with them as an adult. Also, by not sharing this information with her I was able to keep her at a distance that was comfortable for me.
About 18 months ago a huge demon from my childhood reared it’s ugly head and I could not longer ignore it. The dream that I wasn’t sure was real or not finally hit me in the face with its reality and I had to deal with it. The relationship between me and my mom became tense. I made the decision to no longer associate with my biological brother. It was just too hard, I was tired of the same old struggle, and no longer interested in being degraded in order to keep the family ties.
My husband was confused. Poor guy. So, one day I am visibly flustered and he is concerned about me. He wants to know why I am upset and I had debated all day about how much I should tell him. The truth came out and after 8+ years of marriage he learns one of my most sacred family secrets. Whoa! Now he is upset and not sure how to react. Not that I blame him. I had never expected all of this to come out for him, or anyone else, to know. Was I protecing him or me or his opinion of me? I’m not sure.
Although sometimes I wish my secret was still safely locked up, I am thankful for the freedom I now feel. Now I’m back in counseling to deal with all the bad stuff from my childhood. How much easier it would have been had I just addressed them at the get-go. Yes, 5 years ago! I could have made so much more progress on insecurities that have shaped me, have burdened me, and have made it difficult for me to truly be happy.
So, what about those white lies, half-truths or unspoken truths? Are they protecting you? At least for today?
» Filed Under Doctors, communication
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You are amazing to be able to share such a personal experience and how you are dealing with it. I think we keep our secrets to protect ourselves from the consequences of them but, like you said, they are shaping us and we are experiencing consequences just the same. Better to deal and get to the good consequences of freedom and trust than to continue to feel burdened by them. I wish you (and your husband) the best.