At the time I was in counseling, mainly to help recover from our infertility and the premature birth of our twins. My counselor had a saying, “Fake it until you make it.” I used to laugh whenever she gave me this advice, which was often. It seemed impossible to fake it and highly unlikely that I was ever going to “make it.” But I did.

The decision (and choice) to make an effort get along with my in-laws made a huge difference in my marriage. When I quit arguing with him about his parents we didn’t have much else to fight about. We started getting along better and having fun once again. It helped him in his relationship with his parents too.

An important point to remember about loving someone or hating them is that it is a choice. We choose every day whether or not we will make an effort to love. It is a lot less work to love someone than it is to hate them. Consider that when we hate someone we actually hurt ourselves too with the negativity that consumes us. When we love others – or at least respect and have tolerance – our heart is full of positive emotion, which is much easier and healthier.

Today, we are all taking a moment to focus on how love is much more powerful and effective than hate. Choose your words wisely and respectfully. Our beliefs and ideology may differ, but we can always agree to disagree politely.

To participate in the next Love Beats Hate event, learn more at the Love Beats Hate Facebook page

You can Like the Love Beats Hate Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/lovebeatshate. You can post a link to your blog on the Facebook page. Enjoy a day dedicated to politeness.

Gabrielle is offering, free of charge, a prayer / meditation in Theta, done every Friday, which will assist each person to enhance their financial abundance. By agreeing to participate, each person gives their permission to have their Higher Self called together on the etheric – which causes the combined energy of the group to raise the vibration of the prayer.

This is a personal, energetic agreement, you may only submit your own name for the Monetary and Financial Abundance Prayer Offering.

The more participants, the greater the potential energy shift! If you wish to be included in this prayer request, click Financial Abundance Program to register.

It would be great if couples who struggle with infertility would speak out and share their stories instead of suffering with the disease in private. Hopefully Keiko’s story (watch the video) will encourage you to do just that.

My husband and I are blessed with twins thanks to IVF, but I know a few people who did not have success with their fertility treatments. Some of those couples have decided to live childfree. A few others are in the process of navigating adoption (NOTE: this is not to say adoption is always a second choice as a friend of mine adopted and never even considered fertility treatments).

A great article was written about two couples who were left with empty arms after their IVF cycle(s), Failed IVF. Both of these couples agree that at least trying IVF was worth piece of mind, even though it was extremely heart breaking. They are so brave for sharing their story. Read it here: Failed IVF.

The videos are worth sharing with friends and family who might not be familiar with infertility, treatments and the emotion that comes with the inability to conceive a child spontaneously.

Happy viewing.

I read Jimmy’s book with an open mind as we have been changing our diets around our house for one of my daughters who has a hard time processing wheat and other food items. Over the past year we have switched from white flour pasta to pure wheat or rice pasta. While this isn’t truly Livin’ La Vida Low-Carb lifestyle to the extent Jimmy and his wife are, it is a small step in the right direction. It has made a huge impact on how my daughter is able to process her food as well as changed our energy levels. I feel better now that we are not eating so much processed flour.

Another change in our house is a reduction in the amount of sugar we eat. Now, I’m a chocolate lover and I don’t see myself giving it up entirely, but we are watching our sugar intake more. I only buy organic sugar (which is probably still bad for you) and we use pure maple syrup in place of traditional store bought syrup and Agave sweetener in place of sugar, when appropriate.

This year I put my girls on a super vitamin as well as a pro-biotic in addition to our diet changes to help keep them healthy during cold and flu season. Their first cold, and mine too, was during the Christmas holiday. We have not experienced any flu, sore throats, ear infections, etc. I expect we’ll stay healthy through the remaining cold/flu season because we are eating healthy and supplementing our diet with vitamins. A friend of mine recently told me that his kids are in the doctors office at least 1-2 times per month with some sort of cold. Yikes!

In Jimmy’s book you’ll learn what the low-carb lifestyle really is. It doesn’t mean that you have to give up everything you love. It is not about moderation, as Jimmy discusses, although I love that term “moderation” when I consider my chocolate! I’ve tried many diets and I have failed to stick with any of them. But our lifestyle change, although not as drastic as Jimmy’s, has lasted for more than 12 months. And it has made a difference for us.

January is the time when people who want to loose weight start to read diet books or join the local gym. Instead of a diet this year, pick up Jimmy’s book so you can determine if a low-carb lifestyle will work for you.

P.S. Jimmy blogs on occasion about his experience with infertility. Please consider buying a copy of Jimmy’s book if the low-carb lifestyle is something you have been considering.

NOTE: I am not using my Amazon affiliate link to promote Jimmy’s book. I am promoting Jimmy so because I respect him and the work that he does. The links to Amazon from my blog are direct links and I will not receive any monetary benefit from the sale of this book.

We all have limited time. In my case I am a mother, wife, teacher, consultant, advocate, volunteer, etc. I’ve had to make some decisions as to where my time is best spent. Before our infertility journey I was a business consultant. For the past 6 years I have been an instructor for undergrad and graduate students. I love teaching. Over the past year I have been asked to teach new classes. All of these new classes are directly related to the concepts I was using in my consulting practice. Instead of fighting the message the Universe is sending me, I’m following it. I’m jumping back into my consulting business. It feels like the right thing to do and I the ideas are flowing so naturally.

I’m going to continue my blog with more of an advocacy spin. I’ll be discussing many charities and how you can get involved. I’ll be sharing my story from the perspective of a patient in hopes that some of the lessons my husband and I learned can help others still in the treatment phase or those couples with a baby in the NICU.

I’m excited about the changes for the new year. I hope you find the change good too.

Happy New Year!
Kelly

Infertility is one of the most challenging issues a couple must endure. There are many other issues that come from every day life. When you actually become a parent the challenges do not stop. Sometimes couples do not know what to do to help their relationship. My husband and I use counseling as one means to help us during our darkest times. I attended counseling sessions on my own and worked on creating my own happiness which spilled over into my marriage.

A friend of mine provided me with a valuable resource that might be helpful to couples struggling in their relationship. If you are serious about making your relationship better, check out Retrouvaille. I wish I had know about this service when we were struggling with infertility. It would have saved us many months of struggle! Pass this resource on to others you think might find it helpful.

After many hours of counseling I can now accept my happiness. It seems silly, though. However, looking at my childhood and family history it might make more sense. I tend to the be the black sheep of the group. My uncle and I are the only two members of my family who have a college degree. My mom was never happy in marriage. I’ve worked hard on mine so that it is. In the past I followed the family trend of being more pessimistic than optimistic. I used to feel awkward around members of my family because I was so different. But today I am more accepting of who we all are; it has made a huge difference in my interactions with everyone.

I do feel sad that it is a bad time for a lot of people. Many of my friends have been impacted by job losses or other family matters due to the economy. I too have had my share of trials over the years. At a time when I could be absorbing the negativity around me (which is what I used to do), I find myself recognizing and empathizing with others, yet staying in my place and accepting that I have the right to be happy.

Sometimes learning how to set boundaries with your family members (which can be hard to do, I know), your friends or co-workers can help protect you from absorbing their issues or their negativity. Give it a try. It just might work.

There were many places throughout the book where I could relate to the feelings of sadness and anger Pamela expressed. However, when her fertility treatments stopped and she didn’t have a child, my heart ached for her and her husband. Pamela and her husband decided not to pursue adoption. They had their own reasons and I cannot said whether or not I would have done the same if I had been in her shoes.

Pamela does a great job displaying the pain, confusion, and isolation that comes from living childfree not by choice. Women who have had children easily should read this book so they can relate better to their friends that are experiencing infertility. Pamela states in her book, and I’m summarizing here, ‘infertility may not kill you, but sometimes it makes you wish you were dead.’ A statement that many women who have never experienced infertility cannot truly appreciate.

At the end of the book you can see how much Pamela has evolved and “accepted” her infertility. Her journey was full of great despair as well as great hope. I can honestly say that I don’t think I would have had the strength or courage that Pamela displayed. She is an amazing woman.

Go get your copy today. Silent Sorority.

For seven weeks I communicated effectively with the medical staff in the NICU. I sat by my daughters’ bedsides and watched their every move and their every breath. I knew the details of their medications, schedule, status, etc. During rounds the doctors would often ask me my opinion about how my daughters were doing that day. They knew that I knew more about my girls than any of the nurses on staff.

A few days after my daughter Copy Cat had surgery she wasn’t eating. Before she had surgery she was having trouble breathing, something we learned that was due to the pain she had because of her illness. After her surgery she was breathing wonderfully. In addition, she was a great pink color and somewhat active. All characteristics lacking when she was ill. The nurses panicked because she wasn’t eating and thought she might be getting sick again. I thought she wasn’t eating because she was tired and her poor little body hadn’t been used to so much food. One of the NNP’s asked me what I thought. I gave her my opinion and they adapted Copy Cat’s feeding based on my feedback.

So, my lesson learned was that preparing yourself through self-education on a topic is helpful, but learning how to read and help your loved ones, we’ll that’s when you can make a real difference in the quality of their and your lives.

When my husband and I were diagnosed with our infertility I was obsessed in seeking out the ‘why’ and the ‘now what’ answers. Every answer I found only lead me to become more distraught over our situation. That was until we met our doctor. He was so confident that he could help us and his demeanor helped improve my outlook on the procedures. Once we started our IVF cycle, I was no longer obsessed. I stopped focusing on the negativity of our infertility. I gave up the need, the desire, to know absolutely everything about our treatment, the drugs, the tests, etc. Once I let go, the process unfolded fairly easily. I had been standing in my own way. (I do this a lot in other areas of my life too).

So, when we our twins were born premature and had to be hospitalized for a length of time, I trusted the process.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t ask the doctors and nurses a ton of questions. Instead, I found myself acting as though I was part of my daughters medical team. I found that by doing this, even though I was worried about their daily progress, I worried less than I might have otherwise. Empowered with information, I wasn’t obsessed about learning everything that could go wrong with a 30 week baby. When my daughter Copy Cat became ill, I used the knowledge from the doctors and nurses as my guide, not the Internet. I was stressed out. I was scared for their health and survival. But I was grounded and realistic.

While it is challenging not to fret about all that is wrong or all that could wrong, studies prove that stress and negativity only make the situation worse. I’m not going to tell you to relax as I see a big difference between relaxing and fretting! Although relaxing might help, good luck doing so if you are struggling with infertility or your baby is in the hospital. The worry, though, is something that is easier to manage – at least I found that to be the case.

What do you do to stop the worry? When you get upset, how to do come back down?

While I believe that I married my soul mate, our love was truly tested during our infertility and then again right after our daughters were born prematurely. We managed to remain in love no matter how mad we became with one another. There were times I was ready to walk away, but I couldn’t do it. The pull to be with my husband was too strong. I didn’t want to live my life without him in it. The strength of a marriage can be truly amazing!

You can overcome most any obstacle when you have the power of love inside you and when you are receiving it in return. Infertility can test your love. It can turn lovers into enemies. It can cause happy marriages to fall apart. It can create a black hole inside of a woman’s (or man’s) heart.

Love. How can you incorporate more of it into your life?

The challenge of educating ourselves is to know what is true and what is not. For example, one of my friends is pregnant with twins after 8 years of infertility treatments. She has had some medical complications. She is also a nurse so she is comfortable with the terminology and isn’t afraid to ask questions. However, like the rest of us, she can find the most horrifying condition and speculate that is the one she has. My husband recently did the same thing — he thought he had liver disease when all it seems to have been was a virus.

My friend told me that since she was having some issues she decided to do some research herself. She then presented facts and some of her finding to her doctor. She told me that had she not brought up the possible outcomes of her medical condition the doctor might not have discussed any of the potential outcomes with her. If one of her diagnoses is correct, it could hamper the survival of one of her twins. A fact the doctor doesn’t seem to be too concerned with and a fact that scares her to death.

Doing our own research or learning more about the “what-ifs” can prepare us to ask our doctors the tough questions. What methods do you use to educate yourself about your infertility, your pregnancy, or your premature baby?

When my husband and I were in the midst of our infertility journey we were not communicating. We might have been speaking to each other, but we failed to communicate properly. We’ve worked on this and are doing much better on something that should really be very simple. But it’s not, especially when you’re dealing with medical issues.

What words are you using to communicate with your spouse about your feelings? What are you telling your doctor? Is she/he listening to your wishes and your concerns? Are you being heard?

Recently my husband’s blood work reveled that his liver enzymes were elevated. He called his doctor to ask him what the results meant. The doctor never called back. He called the doctor again. A few days later the doctor called back and agreed to pursue additional testing to diagnose the problem. Again, my husband received his results (via message service). He called the doctor since his levels were still elevated. Again, the doctor didn’t call him back. My husband’s questions were not being answered. He switched doctors.

My husband now feels like this new doctor is listening. He has a level of respect for this new doctor that he didn’t have with the other one. This respect allows my husband to accept the advice his doctor provides. The idea of respect does allow communicate to happen more effectively. I know that when I think someone is listening to what I’m saying I tend to be more attentive to them.

We must speak up for our needs and wants. I’ve become much better at this after my infertility experience. I’m more likely to speak up for what I want and what I believe in. In the short term, this can be challenging or create conflict in your relationships, but the long-term rewards are awesome!

What are you speaking about?

But all is not lost. There are many great resources to help you prepare for your journey. Angie Best-Boss and Evelina Sterling’s book, “Budgeting for Infertilty” is a must read for couples considering any form of fertility treatment, including Clomid. The book is even more valuable if you need to progress to artifical inseminations, often called IUI. They provide tips for negotiating the price of your treatments with the doctors. How great would it be to save $500 or more on treatments! Get your copy today. Or hire Angie and Evelina to help you determine your best route to parenthood and save both time and money, visit them at MyFertilityPlan.

Do you have a friend that isn’t able to have a baby? Or maybe you are at the end of the line and ready to move onto the next phase in your life. The book you should read is Silent Sorority by Pamela Tsigdinos.

Please note that I do not benefit financially from any purchases of these books, I’m providing links to these authors/titles because I believe in their messages.

Imagine living in a world where everyone around you is pregnant or has a child, yet you remain childless. Where can you turn for support and guidance? Pamela Jeanne at Coming2Terms openly and honestly discusses her journey through the unforgiving maze of infertility. She just launched her book, Silent Sorority. I just bought my copy. Please support her and go purchase yours too.

Whether you are currently dealing with it currently, overcame infertility, or never had an problems building your family, this book is a must read.  There is a great divide between the women who easily have children and those who live with infertility (with or without children). This book will help all of us learn to be more compassionate and not to judge our fellow women so quickly.

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. I cannot think of a better way to recognize this movement than by purchasing a copy of Pamela’s book Silent Sorority.

I’ve created the 3 C’s that I use now when assessing my health providers:

1. Are they compassionate?
2. Do they display their competence openly to me?
3. Will they work in collaboration with me in my health?

Although these 3 C’s may seem basic, I’ve used them to make decisions for me and my family. For example, whenever my daughters are ill we go to the same doctors office, but it’s often difficult to schedule an appointment with my girls primary care physician on short notice. Therefore, often times we see one of the other doctors in the office. So far I have been impressed with the display of compassion by all of the doctors in this group. They truly seem to feel sorry for the sick child, my child.

The item of competence is assumed by us whenever we visit a doctor. What I like is when the doctor describes why they are doing a procedure or prescribing a particular medication. Or discussing how my illness will progress until I get better. In December my doctor was concerned about one of my eyes. She made it clear that it was imperative I visit an eye doctor ASAP. When she explained why it was so important, I scheduled the appointment within 30 minutes of leaving her office. I will no longer accept a doctors instructions without an explanation as to why it is critical that I do something. I need to know the consequences of my actions or the medications I am taking.

The third item is the most important, at least in my opinion. If my doctor doesn’t treat me as a critical member of the team than I go find a doctor that will. About one year ago I made the decision to leave my Ob/Gyn who I had been seeing for more than 5 years because he wouldn’t run a simple test for me. He discounted my opinions and my need to know the status of my pituitary tumor. My current Ob/Gyn ran the test for me after I explained to her why it was important for me to know the results. I know my body better than anyone else, and I should be treated as such.

What are your requirements for your health care provider?

These are tough questions when you are in the midst of infertility. How can you life a happy life when you are so sad you cannot get pregnant? It’s an uphill battle, no doubt. However, it can be done. Want to know more? Listen to what Jerilynne (aka MamaRed) has to say!

Contact MamaRed at jl@mamaredspeaks [dot] com. Visit her website at MamaRedSpeaks or read more about her efforts at One Million Moments of Kindness Blog.

A resource Jerilynne wanted me to share with you is ChildlessNotByChoice.com which is a forum for support and sharing.

Creative Commons image courtesy of churl.

The other day I was asked if I had made my resolutions yet. I laughed and explained that I don’t bother any more. My friend shared with me she makes 12 wishes. Along with that it she also agrees to give up 12 things in order for the wishes to be granted. We’ll I like the idea of 12 wishes so I’m going to go with that.

In 2009 I wish for:

1. good health for my daughters.
2. good health for my husband and me.
3. good health for my mom and my dad.
4. good health for my in-laws and our friends.
5. a little more me time.
6. more opportunities to spend time with my friends.
7. the confidence and focus needed to achieve my business goals.
8. more awareness and acceptance about infertility by the general public.
9. more awareness and understanding about premature birth by the general public.
10. stability and security of our jobs.
11. another wonder year with my husband and our beautiful girls.
12. a new car (a girl can dream, can’t she!)

Oh, what the heck. What I’m willing to give up in 2009:

1. self-doubt.
2. fear of picking up the darn phone.
3. time wasters that keep me off-track from obtaining my goals.
4. one of my non-profit committees to free up some me time.
5. the constant search for answers before trying something new in business.
6. wheat products (as much as possible).

Did you make new years resolutions? What are they? Will you keep any of them?

Happy New Year. May 2009 be a year full of opportunity and happiness.

I think I know what caused me to get sick – I’m harboring negativity. One of my clients is 60+ days late on paying his invoice. He keeps calling with promises of payment, but no check. He called about 3 weeks ago to tell me he was going to get me paid. No check. He called this Tuesday and said he was paying half and he verified with his bank the check had been mailed. Still no check. I’m  irritated with myself because I normally collect a retainer and I didn’t for this project because it was a quick turnaround. And I’m irritated with him for lack of payment. It’s totally disrespectful and bad business practices.

The other reason is because I hired someone to provide a service and they did a poor job. When I confronted them about it they made a bunch of excuses. Although I wasn’t surprised at their approach, I was disappointed because I had such high expectations about the services.

My body is telling me I need to process these two events and these two people out of my mind and my life. I’m hearing my body real clear. At the beginning of the year I’ll turn my client over to a collection agent – I know a good one. I will no longer be a participant in the collections and this will clear my mind for other things. Before the weekend, I plan on writing my final response to my service provider and move on.

Then yesterday my mom calls to tell me a family friend passed away. He was in his car driving to work. He was aware enough to pull off the road and into a parking lot. He had a massive heart attack and was found by the police. It’s so very sad. He was a young 60 and the partner of my mom’s best friend. I think I do a good job of letting my family and friends know how much they mean to me, but if something was to happen, would they really know? Today I called my husband for no reason and told him I loved him.

I hope you can take a leap and share honestly with your family and friends the struggles you’re facing. Even if they don’t reach out and support you, you’ve done your part in opening the door. You never know if you’ll get a second chance.

Keep in mind my story – horrible relationship with the in-laws just 4 short years ago. But now this is what our relationship is like: We had one of the best Thanksgiving holidays as a family last month. It was very enjoyable and everyone got along seamlessly. I’m hoping for the same next week. I’ve made so much progress with my in-laws. I would have never thought we would get to this place. But communicating with them over the years, openly, has worked to my benefit. It’s not their style, they prefer to keep everything bottled inside, but they’re listening to me and adapting well.

P.S. Book give-a-way ends tomorrow, Dec. 19th. Leave a comment to enter to win hope for the flowers by Trina Paulus.

It’s that time of year when everyone is full of holiday cheer – or at least that is the hope. However, holidays can be very stressful. It’s the time when family members get together, some for the first time since the last holiday season. The holidays are extra stressful because people say or do things that can hurt our feelings, unbeknown to them, because we don’t keep our family and friends updated on what is going on in our lives.

This week I received an email from one of my husband’s friend’s wife. She told me that she had no idea all that we had been through with infertility. She said she thought something was up because we were pregnant with twins. Then she had no idea about all of the stress we experienced with their early birth. Keep in mind, this email is coming to me 4 years later.

Our family and friends should be our support system. I didn’t do a good job of utilizing my family during our infertility, but I recognize now that had I done so it would have been so much easier for Dave and me. Hopefully you can avoid some of my mistakes and look at this time of year as an opportunity to let your family into your world. Even if they don’t “get it” or they don’t know how to offer you support, you’ve done your part to keep them involved.

For more tips on how to enjoy the holiday season, read this 8 page compilation of stories from RESOLVE.

Creative Commons image courtesy of Size8Jeans.

1. Being a mom to my two little girls. (And a great big Thank You to the researchers and the medical community for the technologies that allowed me to get pregnant and that kept my girls alive when they were born too early).

2. A good husband. My husband supports me in all that I do, even when I’m not sure I should continue on, he’s cheering me all the way. He’s a great father too and that makes me adore him even more.

3. My mom. Who moved to be closer to my daughters so that she could create a strong relationship with them. It’s been a blessing to have her near. I’m going to miss her terribly when she moves back to Colorado in July 2009!

4. My in-laws. Although we’ve had our share of struggles, they have made an effort to have a pleasant relationship with me. They are good grandparents and a good auntie too. My sister-in-law even called me for advice recently – we’ve come a long way!

5.  All my relatives and friends. Life is never complete without friends and family to share in the good times as well as the bad.

6. The lessons I learn each day that challenge me and keep me motivated to do good for others.

May you have a blessed Thanksgiving holiday. What are you thankful for?

First is a beautifully written article about how infertility hurts at Totally Her.

The second is an article about how mindset can sometimes control our destiny. I know that I often say to myself, “I don’t want to forget to _______” and I forget. After reading this article I’ll change my internal words to, “I need to remember to ______” so that the focus is on remembering and not forgetting. Great advice. There is also a short video to watch, called the Mind Movie. Want to get pregnant? Read more on the IVF Cost blog.

P.S. remember to leave a comment to win a free copy of Hope Happens.

So, step 1- call mom to figure out how long I should boil the eggs. Generally I don’t make hard boiled eggs so even at 30+ y/o (closer to 40-yikes!), I had to call mom for advice.

Step 2- make lunch and eat it while waiting for the eggs to boil. I notice there are 10 minutes left on the timer so I decide I can go pay my bills online while I wait for the timer. Forgetting that if I turn my iTunes on I won’t be able to hear said timer. Jam away at Seether.

While plugging away at reconciling my bank account I hear this “POP” and think to myself, what was that? All of a sudden it hits me – I was boiling eggs. Oh sh*t. I bolt out of my office into the kitchen to find a huge mess. There was egg (only one exploded out of the four in the pot) everywhere. I found egg on the wall behind the stove, on the floor – 10 feet away and over the counter tops, on the underside of the microwave and cupboards, and even in one of my Halloween decorations.

That poor pot has been overcooked many times and has always returned to working order with few, if any, long-term scars. I’m not sure I’ll be so lucky this time. I still smell like burnt eggs – and that is just from cleaning it up. My house smells horrible. My husband is going to gag when he walks in the door-he’s not a big fan of any type of egg and especially not burnt ones. Then I’ll get a million questions about how could I have let the water boil out and what the heck was I thinking/doing (and yes, if you’re wondering why the 20 questions from my husband, I’ve done this before…too many times to count).

I realized today, although I may be good at cooking and baking, I am definitely not good at watching a boiling pot. Every now and then I think it is healthy to admit our faults, as little or big as they may be. I’ll take this one step further, I’m not good at any kind of waiting.

All of a sudden egg salad doesn’t sound so good.

Recently he had some weird symptoms. He seemed to be concerned, but didn’t bother to do any research. He lives on his computer so why the thought never occurred to him is beyond me. Instead, he made a doctor appointment and figured he’d let a “professional” diagnosis his condition. We’ll I decided to be a little proactive and researched online using WebMd and a few other sites and I found some possible explanations. I passed along my new found insights to my hubby who then heard the same diagnosis from his doctor only two days later.

Maybe my husband wanted to hear from a doctor that everything was going to be okay. However, he wasted a lot of his time and insurance dollars to do so. I’m not saying I think you should spend all of your time in front of the computer to gain answers. However, while going through our IVF cycle I knew most everything that was going to happen (up until the point of the HSG trigger shot – and then everything went way too fast) and this provided me with a lot of peace of mind. I was more educated and comfortable with the process because I was informed.

Health literacy is a big topic among medical professionals. They play a part in it just as we do. Not all doctors/nurses have the communication skills to help their patients so it is really up to us to be as informed as possible so we can be an active participant in our medical care. This is a skill I learned (thanks to infertility) that has served me well over the past few years.

What resources do you use for information? Leave some ideas and I’ll add those to my resources list.

It’s been two years since he has seen my girls and I will be terribly disappointed if he flakes out on me again (he’s been saying he’ll come visit for the last year or so). Hopefully I get up the nerve to call him tonight. So inline with the “Trying to Let it go Tuesday” that my friend Mommy Meryl has created, I’m trying to let go of being disappointed. If he chooses not to visit it is he who is loosing out on the relationship and joy of my girls.

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Mommy Meryl has also bestowed an award on me, my first in the blogosphere. I’ve been procrastinating posting the blogs I am to award this too. It took me a few days to decide who I wanted to pass the award along too because lately I haven’t been very good at reading other blogs on a regular basis. So here is my list, in no particular order:

1. Benedict Family – a blog and podcast on infertility, secondary infertility and parenting

2.  A Million Moments of Kindness – positive stories about the good in the everyday acts of ordinary people

3. Mom to Twins Plus One – the life in the day of a busy mom after infertility

4. Rain’s Authentic Blog – always full of positive inspiration

5. GNMParents (okay, so I contribute to this one…it has good reading)

6.  A Soldier Girl (life) – a blog I enjoy every time I stop by during NCLM or ICLW

The rules of the award, pick 7 of your favorite blogs and post their names and links to their sites. The award is a photo so you just need to copy it (I hope it shows when I click “publish”).

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Last, but not least. I’ve been running a contest for you to win a FREE 30-day supply of The Male Fertility Kit with East West Essentials. I’ve been telling folks to use the RSS to enter the contest. We’ll I just found out that I cannot see individual RSS subscribers — I am so bummed and feel really dumb for not knowing more about this darn technology. So, if you have already entered the contest using the RSS or email options, unfortanatuely I don’t have any way to determine who you are. So PLEASE send me an email to info@twinpeas.com with your name and email address so I can enter your name into the drawing (must send me an email by October 15th). Thank you and sorry for the hassle!

Next thing I know he is yelling at the man he is talking to and says to me, “This guy hit our car.” The old man retorts back, “You were waving me in.” To which my husband shouts, “No, I wasn’t, I was waving at you to stop.” I survey the damage to our car while these two hot heads are yelling at each other. I tell you what, my experience with infertility and prematurity has sure calmed me and helped me to handle situations better. I kindly turn to the man and say, “It doesn’t matter if he was waving you in or not, you should have noticed that you hit our car as you were parking. You obviously misjudged when you started to park your car into this spot.” The old man shouts back at my husband, “You were waving me in.” Again, I state, “Sir, you misjudged how much room you had and you hit our car.”

I leave these two and grab our insurance card to determine what information we need from this guy so that we can have our car repaired. Somewhere along the way, the old man calms down and apologizes to my husband for hitting our car. He leaves as do we. While driving back home, my husband is outraged and continues to repeat what the old man had said and shook his head while saying, “You were waving me in…What an idiot.”

When my husband and the old man were yelling at each other neither of them was listening to what the other had to say. The old man was blaming my husband for “waving him in” because he wanted to blame someone else for his actions. He seemed to calm down when I came to the scene because I was calm about the incident. Before we all departed, he recognized his error. At no point was I angry about the old man hitting my car, instead I was a little irritated that I was going to have to be car-less for a few days while it gets repaired, but instead of dwelling on that I made a call to our insurance company to start the conversation about repairs. What’s done is done and all we can do now is move forward.

I applied this same concept to an email I received from my sister-in-law last week. There is so much history and good reason for me to still be angry, but I’ve moved on because does me no good to dwell on the past. Instead, I look forward to the future and react accordingly. From personal experience I can tell you that this works. It’s how I rebuilt my failing marriage to create a strong relationship with my husband today.

A few things I noticed about this event: 1) If you are hot tempered, the other person will be too, 2) few people take responsibility for their actions so it’s not always effective to point out to them it was their fault, 3) things like this have much less of an impact on me today than they used to, and 4) it’s better to move from anger to action than to dwell on things you cannot change.

What can you do to move forward?