The Fertility Journal - a book review & give away
Posted on July 1, 2008
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When I heard the editor of Conceive Magazine had created a guide to “getting” pregnant, I was hopeful it would be a resource friendly to the infertility community. I then read a book review from an IF blogger (Jen - I think) and was disappointed to hear the journal was not as IF friendly as I had hoped.
We’ll I decided to do some research and bought myself a copy of the fertility journal. Keep in mind that I am reading and critiquing the journal based upon someone who is no longer in the IF struggle. Although, I’d love to be pregnant again, it just isn’t ever going to happen. So, I hope I offer a neutral point of view in this review.
Three things I liked:
1. The opening foreword by Dr. Geoffrey Sher - good intro for fertiles to read and maybe be more appreciative of the fact they can conceive easily while also becoming more aware that it’s not so easy for others.
2. Each monthly chapter addresses some aspect of infertility, whether it’s how diet can impact fertility/pregnancy, how stress can impact our ability to conceive, or fertility issues for him. Months (chapters) 10 and 11 focus on taking time for yourself and your partner. This is a very important aspect of the baby-making process, especially when it is not going as planned.
3. There are 40 pages of this journal dedicated solely to infertility with two six-week sections allocated to tracking fertility treatment cycles.
Two things I didn’t like:
1. Month/chapter 12 is titled “Preparing for Parenthood.” For someone not yet pregnant this can be a disheartening way to end the 12 month tracking/journaling. I think this chapter could have been titled something less “in-your-face” for those not pregnant yet.
2. I didn’t see questions in either the 12 month sections or the infertility section on sample or suggested questions to ask your doctor. I think this would have been valuable information, especially in the infertility treatment section.
Overall review:
If you purchase this journal at the beginning of your trying-to-conceive journey I think it would be very helpful. If you’re already in the middle of IF I wouldn’t recommend it because much of the information you already know and I’m not sure it would provide any additional comfort or assistance.
I do think this will help educate the fertile community a little bit more about infertility. Because even if they get pregnant the first or second month, there is a chance they’ll have skimmed the very beginning and later portions of the journal just out of curiosity. Even the slightest amount of knowledge on their part can make a big difference regarding IF in the near future.
I’d like to give away my copy of the fertility journal. It is not perfectly new and shows a little wear on the binding, but there are no markings on the inside and it is completely usable. If you’d like to win this journal, please leave a comment on my blog, any post, from July 2-16th and use the initials “TFJ” at the beginning or end of your comment to be entered into the drawing. I’ll draw a winner on July 18th. Please return to my blog on July 21st to claim your prize. If you don’t claim the journal by July 23rd a new winner will be chosen.
» Filed Under Infertility, Resources, pregnancy | 1 Comment
How Cute!!! Really?
Posted on June 30, 2008
How would you react to this comment, “Your babies were 2 1/2 pounds, oh how cute!” All I could do was smile as I couldn’t think of anything to say.
Seriously, do people think premature babies are cute? Is it cute to have a baby struggling to breath? To have a baby hooked up to life saving medical equipment? I seem to be missing the cuteness is this picture. I don’t understand how anyone could think that a 2 1/2 pound baby would be CUTE.
What is wrong with people?
» Filed Under Premature Births | Please Share Your Thoughts; Leave a Comment!
Timed Intercourse w/ Injectibles Results in Quads (Twin Peas Pod Episode 11)
Posted on June 27, 2008
This show is listed as Episode 11, but I note that it is Episode 12 in my intro. The recording quality of Episode 11 was terrible, so I hope to have no. 11 posted next week. It’s a great episode on adoption so stay tuned.
In this show I interview Stephanie, a RESOLVE volunteer and a mother of quadruplets. Stephanie tried to become pregnant without the assistance of medical treatments for 18 months. She did become pregnant using Clomid, a common drug used to induce ovulation. Her pregnancy was ectopic (i.e., in her fallopian tube). She had to have emergency surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy because if her fallopian tube had burst she could have died.
When Stephanie and her husband were ready to try for another pregnancy, they used injectibles with timed intercourse. Keep in mind…she didn’t undergo an IUI or IVF treatment! When they went in for their first ultrasound they saw FOUR sacks. Her pregnancy was very stressful and very scary. She was placed on hospital bed rest at 18 weeks then sent home only to return to the hospital at 22 weeks for the remainder of her pregnancy. Her babies were born prematurely and this added to the emotional strain of her entire experience.
Her story is very moving and offers listeners an appreciation for what it is like for women pregnant with multiples. Life with quads can be overwhelming at times, but Stephanie is a mom to be applauded to her dedication to her children and to helping others who struggle with infertility or premature birth.
Please leave your comments about this show. Also, let me know what topics you’d like me to address in future episodes. If you would like to be interviewed on the Twin Peas Pod, please leave a comment with a link to your blog or email or send me an email.
Resources discussed in this podcast:
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association: www.resolve.org.
Better BedRest: www.betterbedrest.org.
» Filed Under Infertility, Podcast, Premature Births, pregnancy | Please Share Your Thoughts; Leave a Comment!
Why Do I Think it’s Possible?
Posted on June 25, 2008
The words flow from me and because they are so ridiculous, my husband doesn’t even respond. I say, “If I didn’t know better I’d think I was pregnant.” My stomach hurts, I have “slight” spotting, and sore breasts. What does all of this mean? That I’m still not quite better after a weekend with the stomach bug and that in a few days I’ll start my monthly cycle (spotting and soreness always arrive before the storm).
Why do I continue to think that it is possible to become pregnant naturally. Based on my husbands sperm results 5 years ago, there is no reason to believe anything has changed. Not only that, but according to all of the ‘experts’ his condition would only get worse with age so the older we get the less likely we’d become pregnant. So, why during some months do I get my hopes up that it “could” happen? It’s so unrealistic that I fell like an idiot for even thinking it. Yet, I cannot get my mind to stop dreaming, hoping.
It is times like these when my heart really goes out to those in the struggle of infertility. The mind never stops and the heart always hurts until you have a child in your arms. And even then, sometimes you feel so much as been taken away from you - the intimacy, the marital stress, the financial drain, etc.
Natural will be something I’ll never experience. I want the thoughts and hope to go away. How do I make them stop?
Creative Commons image courtesy of MrHayata.
» Filed Under Infertility | 2 Comments
Million-Dollar Babies
Posted on June 23, 2008
The NY Times article about Infertility received a lot of hateful comments and even though I expected some people to post their opinions about a topic they know little about, I was still shocked at some of the words written.
I’m not sure if the IF article helped thicken my skin or I just decided to be bigger than the idiots posting about this article in the Business Week titled Million-Dollar Babies. There were many times I wanted to make a comment to some of those who know little about premature babies, but I refrained.
There are similarities to the infertility and premature birth crises:
1. Not everyone understands the desire to have a baby or to keep a premature baby alive. It’s the argument of Natural Selection. But the technology exists so God, if you believe in God or a higher Spirit, allowed us to create these technologies for this purpose - so we could have a child or keep one alive if need be. The same arguement can be made for heart medications or cancer treatments…
2. Both of these medical issues are expensive. Many couples spend their live savings or incur debt for the chance to become pregnant. The cost of caring for a premature baby is extremely expensive. The total bill for our twins 7 week NICU stay was over $500k.
3. The insurance argument. Those who know little about either of these issues believe that the individual, not insurance should foot the bill. If insurance companies covered IF treatment the occurrence of high-order gestation pregnancies would go down (studies prove this). Which in turn, would directly impact the amount spent on preemies in the NICU and any corresponding life-long treatments. The argument that I don’t understand, and I guess I just don’t know that much about insurance, is that the monies spent caring for premature babies could be spent in other places. Is this true? Are insurance companies really going to use their monies on individuals who are not members of their insurance plans? Is there a governmental insurance fund that insurance companies have to contribute to? I’m not sure I understand this argument, maybe I’m just as ignorant as the rest of these folks.
4. Both can be easily “cured” or “prevented” with proper change to diet or lifestyle. So many people think that if you change your diet you can reverse your infertility. We’ll, that’s not always the case. Sometimes there are actually medical conditions. On the same wave is the fact that premature births can be prevented, especially for non-multiple gestation pregnancies. One person made the comment that there was no reason for early births of single babies - I’m sure the March of Dimes would love to chat with this man to see what he knows, because obviously he know something their researchers don’t.
If you are in the IF world, know that your battle against the ignorant might not be over once you become pregnant, especially if you have twins or high-order multiples. Those going though IF treatment do have a slightly higher risk of delivering their baby premature, even with a singleton.
Creative Commons image courtesy of DoctorWho
» Filed Under Premature Births | Please Share Your Thoughts; Leave a Comment!
How to Manage Your Marriage and Family During IF (Twin Peas Pod Epsiode 10)
Posted on June 19, 2008
I’m excited to present the interview I conducted with Dr. Alan Singer, a marriage therapist from New Jersey. Dr. Singer and I both believe that marriage is something worth saving. However, I understand some times divorce is necessary (I’ve seen this in my own family). But, speaking as someone who contemplated divorce, not once, but twice, I am a proponent of working on your marriage — it is possible to be happy once again.
Dr. Singer believes the parents of adult children should take an active role in helping their child during times of struggle, especially during infertility. It can be a touchy subject for these parents because providing “advice” to their adult child might seem selfish or could be misunderstood. However, done correctly the communication between the parent and adult child can provide much needed support, either financially or emotionally.
During infertility, couples must open the lines of communication in order to keep their marriage intact. Sometimes a therapist can poke and prod in a way that is more effective than when a couple attempts to communicate on their own. My husband and I used both approaches. We seemed to communicate more effectively during our counseling sessions as our therapist kept us on track. However, we had many great conversations without the assistance of a therapist.
At one point during the interview Dr. Singer makes a somewhat controversial statement, based on a scientific study, that the best environment for a child is their biological family. I don’t think he meant any disrespect for families created through adoption. I hope you’ll agree.
Dealing with infertility is a very private, team effort. It does take a lot of work. Learn the priorities of your spouse so that you can better determine how you can move forward together. Dr. Singer and I wish you the best of luck!
To learn more about Dr. Singer visit his website www.familythinking.com, send him an email to inquire about his services (he can conduct long-distance therapy via Skype) at dralansinger@aol.com or regular mail at P.O. Box 4222, Highland, NJ 08904.
To read one of Dr. Singers news paper column articles visit this one on Supersized Families.
» Filed Under Infertility, Marriage, Premature Births | 2 Comments
Sometimes Change is Good
Posted on June 18, 2008
Yesterday was my husband’s birthday. He said that he didn’t want any birthday cake. He’s weird, I know. I mentioned that it would be challenging to explain to two 3 year olds that Daddy didn’t “want” cake for his birthday. It was much easier just to have cake even if he didn’t want it.
I love to bake so I asked him what type of cake he wanted. His two favs are cheesecake and carrot cake. We’ll I make good cheesecake and I’ve made a few carrot cakes, but they are not my best work. He decided on cheesecake. My tummy smiles and I get out the recipe. Then he tells me he wants Strawberry topping, not Cherry. Halt the presses! I’ve NEVER made my cheesecake with anything other than Cherry topping. My mom NEVER made her cheesecake with anything other than Cherry topping. I was bummed!
I’m grumbling as I purchase the Strawberry topping. I grumble again as I topped the cheesecake with the Strawberry topping. As I’m cutting the cake, I’m thinking to myself, This isn’t going to be nearly as good as the Cherry topping. Why? Because Cherry was all I’ve ever had on my homemade cheesecake.
So even though it seems as tho I’m rambling here, my point is that sometimes change is good. The Strawberry was almost as good as the Cherry. There were a few bites that I thought maybe the Strawberry was even BETTER than the Cherry.
When it comes to food I tend to be a creature of habit. Truly, it’s not just with food. I have a standard routine in the morning when I wake up, when I start my work day, when I get ready for bed, etc. Sometimes stepping away from the routine and changing it up a bit can open you to new experiences, or tastes, that you might not have experienced otherwise. Sometimes change is good.
Are you a creature of habit?
» Filed Under Personal Growth | 2 Comments
What Do Your Parents Know about IF?
Posted on June 16, 2008
In preparation for an interview with Dr. Alan Singer, we had a brief conversation yesterday to discuss the upcoming podcast. We had a slight difference of opinion on how educated parents of adult children are about infertility. It is his opinion that everyone knows about infertility, such as what “it” is, how difficult it can be on a marriage, and the consequences of adult children waiting until later in life to become parents. I told him that I somewhat disagreed with his opinion. I think we are still trying to inform, educate and bring about awareness about this silent crisis. Not just to the parents of adult children, but to the general population.
My parents knew nothing about infertility. My dad still makes those “wasn’t a problem for me” comments without realizing that he is talking to someone who it wasn’t easy for. My mom only knows about infertility because of our experience with it. She may have heard a little about the topic before we were facing the struggle, but she was not aware enough to offer advice or insight. It never crossed her mind that she should urge us to try to build our family early in our marriage because we “might” have problems conceiving.
My husbands parent’s had difficulty becoming pregnant the second time. Something we would call Secondary Infertility today, but probably wasn’t really addressed 35 years ago. Even with their frustration and struggle to become pregnant, they did not offer much advice or support as we struggled with our IF.
How about you? Do your parents truly understand infertility? Do/did they encourage you to start building your family before your career because it was possible that you “might” have problems, especially if you wait too long? How educated are those in the 50+ age range about infertility? My experience is very little. How about you?
» Filed Under Infertility | 3 Comments
Is It Natural Selection?
Posted on June 13, 2008
Some of the comments posted by the non-infertile community in the NY Times article are intentionally hurtful or down-right hateful to the infertiles. I must admit I had no idea there were such intense feelings on the “other” side. I think many of the comments were posted for shock value and to stir up a good debate — just someone looking for a little attention. Although, I must say I feel so sorry for the twins born to the mother that doesn’t want them, but I’m not going there…
One of the “thoughts” about infertility that gets me is the ignorance of it being about Natural Selection and/or population control. We could use many analogies to address this matter. So, is Heart Disease about natural selection? Today millions of people take heart medications to keep them alive. What about cancer? Again, the technologies exist to keep people alive and many people can live cancer free because of the medicines and technology available. Why does IF raise the mentalities of natural selection, “just adopt”, or deal with it? Are these same people using the same logic toward people suffering with heart disease, cancer or any other disease? Should they just all die, because hey, it’s natural selection they have the disease and boy, wouldn’t we be better without all those extra people in this over crowded world???
Today, we live in world with amazing medically advances to create life, to end life, and to save life. So how is infertility or fertility treatments any different? Why do people discount the pain of not being able to have a child? It’s not about sympathy, but rather about understanding and compassion. There is a huge difference between sympathy (feeling sorry for someone) and compassion (acknowledging their pain even if you don’t understand it or cannot relate). If you never get the chance to love, that is a loss!
A few months ago one of my students (I teach accounting to graduate students) made a comment to me about “natural selection” with regard to premature babies. She said something like, “What is the point of researching the cause of premature birth, isn’t it natural selection.” Mind you she said this knowing my girls were in the NICU for 7 weeks. The rest of the class look at me with wide-eyed anticipation of how I was going to answer her obviously and totally insensitive question. My response was something like this, “Today many babies are being born too soon and because of the medical technologies that exist they are kept alive. Many of these babies will have life long physical or mental disabilities because we have the means to keep them alive if they are born prematurely. So, wouldn’t it be better to research the causes of premature birth so that we can keep these babies in utero longer? Because those women are already pregnant anyway.” Needless to say, she didn’t have much to respond with.
I know there is a lot of emotion in the IF world. I’ve been there, done that. I can still relate and I still understand what it is like to be on the other side of the IF struggle. There are comments from the IF community lashing back out at those who are ignorant. Many of them are funny and often I say “you go girl” as I read along. But sometimes the gentler approach of education and information can have a much greater impact. And it disappoints them you didn’t over-react and play along with their little game of shock value and controversy.
Just my thoughts. What would be your response to some of the comments left in the NY Times article?
Creative Commons image courtesy of psmithson.
» Filed Under Infertility, Personal Growth, Premature Births | 2 Comments
The Cheater
Posted on June 11, 2008
A good friend of my husband recently found out that his wife has been cheating on him for about 10 months. This is something that I just don’t understand. When my husband and I got married we made a vow to each other that we would respect the other person enough to leave before we cheated. Cheating has to be one of the most hurtful and hateful acts one can do to another.
As far as we are aware, there was really nothing “wrong” with their marriage. They seemed to have a great time together when ever we were with them. They seemed to be in love. So what causes people to cheat? Why not just end your marriage first?
I recognize that I’m not perfect, nor is my marriage. My husband and I did contemplate divorce when we were struggling with infertility. We had differing goals and neither one of us would budge. It was a great source of conflict and seemed irreconcilable. Then one day, we agreed on trying to achieve the same goal and remain married. I’m sure there were times just 3 years ago when my husband had wished we had made the decision to split, as I know I had that thought. However, I am so grateful that we didn’t get a divorce and stuck out our marriage because today we are happy.
Is marriage easy? Hell no. It’s about compromise. It’s about supporting each other during your darkest days. It’s about loving and respecting each other. Marriage can be joyful, but it requires you to work and you must create your happiness together. If you are unhappy in your marriage it is your fault and only you can change your mindset or do something about it.
So, for Mrs. B (although Mrs. C might be a better fit in this case) don’t blame Mr. M for your unhappiness. Take responsibility for YOUR own actions.
Am I wrong?
Creative Commons image courtesy of Tangent~A
